These past few days, I've been contemplating a different way of explaining being both badass and being a gentleman. And if I'm not mistaken, I may have reached a bit of an aha moment. This revelation was actually inspired by two Bruce Lee quotes. The result is a hopefully useful explanation of how the badass concept can coexist harmoniously with the gentleman concept, despite the fact that the two can oftentimes ran directly counter to one another.
Let's go to the quotes.
I'm not in this world to live up to your expectations, and you're not in this world to live up to mine.
I love this quote. It's so direct, simple, and spot-on. And it also made me mentally face-palm myself. Why? Because for so many years of my corporate life, I tried so hard (in a type A, Asian sort of way) to please my corporate masters and understand / exceed their expectations. When it wasn't working out, I spent enormous amounts of energy trying to diagnosis the incongruences, and work on bridging the gap rather than focusing on remarkable outcomes. In the end, what a colossal waste of energy and a horrific goal that was! Don't get me wrong. There are always people that have expectations of you, starting with your parents. Even as an entrepreneur, you have to deal with the expectations of investors, customers, employees, etc. So expectations aren't just an issue for corporate tools but for everyone.
Living according to Bruce Lee's simple tenet is critical to being badass. The badass sets his goal and he pursues it, day by day, until it is achieved. There is no room to constantly try and recalibrate your progress to fit someone else's expectations. As we said before, that's wasted time and energy! Your mind should be entirely focused on the realization of your dreams, because if you listen to the nay-sayers, they will simply derail you.
But the badass can be a complete asshole. He can wield his badassery with no purpose beyond improving his own wealth or power. It occurred to me that there needs to be a bridge between being a badass (I've got my goal, I really don't give a shit what you think, and I'm going to achieve my goal irrespective of its negative consequences on others) and being a gentleman. Hence the second, pithy quote.
Real living is living for others.
What does this mean? My interpretation is that truly impactful living is a life that expands beyond oneself and enriches the lives of others. Bruce Lee's lasting gift was not his movies (awesome though they may be), his remarkable physique, or even his legendary one-inch punch. His contribution was to serve as an inspiration for generations to come, to show that the amazing is very possible, and to show people the way. That is his legacy. That is real living.
In my mind, meaningful purpose in life has two primary parts. The first requirement is that your purpose must be challenging, a concept that was touted by badass president Theodore Roosevelt in his "Strenuous Life" speech. In a nutshell, Roosevelt lambasts those wishing to live a life of ease, and extols the virtues of braving dangers and climbing past obstacles to life's great achievements. This really resonated with me, rang particularly true in light of something that I used to look forward to, the weekend. The next blog post will expound more on this :) But the main point is that meaningful purpose requires a level of difficulty. If it's too easy, you're apathetic. If it's too hard, you're depressed.
The second part is that the purpose must have meaning that stretches beyond oneself, a cause greater than the ego. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi determined in his research that the most powerful purposes that people found were those that had positive community or societal consequences. Simply put, you are generating positive value for this world. Sometimes people monetize that value (entrepreneurs). Sometimes that value is created in ways that aren't linked to money at all. But in the end, it's about enriching the lives of those around you.
In my mind, a deep understanding and belief in this lays the foundation for the principles and resulting behaviors of a gentleman. This person understands the intricacies of human relationships, navigates them with practiced ease, and is always generating positive value.
So in short, if you can pursue meaningful purpose with a singular mind, and through that pursuit generate enormous value for others, then you have indeed become a badass gentleman.
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